I haven’t ranted in a while. Well, at least not on this blog! So my ranting muse has reared it’s head and must be heard (or rather, read). How’d you like that rhyme?

Anyway, the other day two separate pet peeves of mine were encountered. In the same day? Yes, it happens.

The first one is the idea of “throws.” You know, those things that are almost blankets, but not quite. They are those length impaired objects we are supposed to “throw” on when relaxing in a chair or on a couch. But, to me, they are just frustrating. Since I am of the shorter nature myself, you’d think that these throws would be a great thing. Contrary to that opinion, they are more of a pain in the part of my body that I sit on. They are never long enough!

I enjoy my weekend afternoon naps. I’d love a weekday afternoon nap as well, but don’t have that luxury while at my current workplace. So the other day I was looking forward to my nap. It was cold and raining and I wanted nothing more than to relax on the couch, all warm and cuddly, for a little while.

But, no. I reached up to grab the throw from the back of the couch. As I placed it over me, I struggled. When I pulled it up to my neck, my feet were exposed. If I covered my feet, my neck and chest were exposed. Back and forth I went, trying to get BOTH feet and neck under the warmth of the fleece. Soon I was so frustrated, and moving around, which is exactly what I was trying NOT to do!

My sister was studying in her chair a few feet away, somewhat oblivious to my throw dilemma. Finally I could not take it any more.

“Why don’t they make these throws longer?” I yelled. “I can’t cover my feet and my neck at the same time, and I’m short! Can’t they come up with a longer throw?”

I went on to rant “All they would have to do is to make them about three inches longer!”

My sister, finally drawn in to my struggle on the couch, offered her witty solution, ”Then they would call them a blanket.”

Hmmmph.

Not to be outdone by a piece of fabric, I finally did get the nap in. Of course I had to be rolled up in the fetal position to accomplish this, and woke with a pain in my back and neck from crouching. But with all strength and fortitude, I overcame the struggle with the throw.

And then I had to blow my nose.

This next rant isn’t against any one thing or product. It’s sort of against myself. But inevitably, every time I have to blow my nose this happens: I take a deep breath in. I mean, certainly I know that I am going to blow air out next, and so I have to be prepared to blow hard enough so that everything that should come out does come out. I know, this is a little gross for me to write about, but it’s the truth. We all do this, so lighten up a bit, will ya?

So there I was, a few minutes after rising from my wrestling match with the throw, when I needed to blow my nose. I had to open my mouth to take in the deep breath because my nose was clogged (thus the reason for blowing it in the first place). And then it happened. A large piece of the tissue got sucked into my mouth!

You’d think that after all of this time I would learn to take the breath while holding the tissue AWAY from my mouth, but no. Not me. Every darn time I have to blow my nose I get a huge piece of Kleenex in my mouth! There is nothing more frustrating than having a huge wad of tissue stuck to your lips, except when it actually touches your tongue or the roof of your mouth and then…. well, you get the picture. I’m left choking, gagging, and telling myself “this is gross” before every blow. Not good.

I’m wondering if this is could all be related to words that end in “ows.” I don’t seem to have any issues with cows, although I don’t spend much time around them. And I actually like rows, because they keep everything in order. So I guess that’s not it.

One day I may figure this all out. But in the meantime, I’d really like to find a five foot, 6 inch throw. And then I could work on the mouth and nose dilemma in peace.