Windy’s Blog

Morning has broken and I find myself in a hotel room in Lafayette, Indiana. Well, okay, so it was a little after morning broke (let’s just say a couple of hours). I set the alarm for 8:30 a.m. because the Contintental breakfast ended here at 9 a.m.

I’m sure I was quite a site as I went downstairs to the breakfast area. Yet, I really didn’t care what I looked like. I was following my nose, which deciphers the scent of freshly brewed coffee and leads me to the site of my morning salvation.

“Good morning, would you like a waffle?” This from the kind and considerate worker at the hotel.

Uh, no. I can’t even function right now, can barely see two feet in front of me. Please don’t ask me any more questions. That’s what I wanted to say.

“No, thank you.” Is what I did say.

I’m road weary and emotionally drained this morning. But I will press on.

I grabbed a bagel and cream cheese along with the coffee, and headed back upstairs to shower and pack yet again.

After the shower, I realized that I had left my hairbrush in the car. YIKES! The people of Lafayette would have been stunned had they seen this view of me. I probably won’t be coming back here any time soon, so I ran my fingers through the mop of hair on my head and did the best I could with it. It still looks like a mop is sitting on top of me. A wet, ragged, old mop. Oh well, that’s the story.

I just went to put the bagel in the microwave and realized that I failed to acquire a knife or any other utensil during my  “pre-caffeine” excursion to the breakfast area earlier.  So I cannot cut the bagel, nor can I spread the cream cheese on it! I will forgo breakfast, which of course, for me, is almost a mortal sin.

Again, I press on, still trying to stay positive. In a few hours I will be with my cousin and her wonderful family. Everything may not be alright, but I will be safe. And that’s a huge start for me.

I was able to spend the entire day yesterday with my buddy, Jayden. He’s also my great-nephew, so I can brag a little. He was great as he endured over two hours of waiting with me with my car when it was looked at in the tire shop. Then we enjoyed fish and chips for lunch and I gave him the hushpuppies. After that we went outside and he rode his bike with the training wheels. Oh, did I mention that Jayden is three?

I remember, uh, about twenty nine years ago (give or take a few years) when I stood by Jayden’s Mom as she rode the wonderful Big Wheel up and down the driveway at our house. This is my version of As The Big Wheel Turns, I guess. I’m sort of proud of it.

After the bike riding (which didn’t last long, of course) I brought some things out of the house to load into my car. Jayden, who doesn’t miss a trick, saw that and started asking his questions:

“Are you going away?” He asked.

“Yes,” I said. “I have to leave tomorrow.”

Jayden gave me his “cross” look and his bottom lip may have even quivered a little. It broke my heart.

“I don’t want you to go.” He said.

“I know, I don’t want to go, either.” I responded. “I wish I could stay right here with you, forever.”

Looking down at the ground, I noticed that Jayden was standing in my shadow. “And you could stand in my shadow every day.”

He giggled a little at that, then moved next to me so that his shadow appeared next to mine.

“Like this?” He asked.

“Just like that,” I said.

And this morning I said good bye to Jess, Jayden and Mikey. Having made the decision to go to Illinois, I drove twelve hours and pulled off the road for the night in Lafayette, Indiana. I will write more about the journey to Illinois later. But for now, I think I’ll just let my mind go back to yesterday, when my shadow and Jayden’s were next to each other. And for some reason, we look like we’re wearing dresses!

p.s. (can you post script a blog?) anyway, I thought I would add that Jayden is not the only one who has stood in the shadow of the Windy. Many have, but most of them grew up and now overshadow my shadow! Still, it’s nice to remember that once the shadow of the Windy was great!

It seems to me (and probably also to you) that I’ve stated the following several times in the last year: If someone were to have told me what my life would be like, I would have hit them over the head…

But here I am again, feeling the same way. Actually, I’m writing this blog from a hotel room and I’m feeling several different emotions. I’m sad and heart sick because I’ve left my cousin’s home in Wilmington. I’ve also quit my job and am not sure where I am going. It’s pretty scary.

The decision to leave was made months ago, but the timing has always been off. I am so grateful to my cousin and her husband for opening their home and their hearts to me for all of these months. But sometimes a person has to face some type of reality and I guess I reached that point.

I’m not writing this to justify, but to clarify. I know that my cousin is hurting right now and I am so sorry for the pain of disappointment I’ve probably caused her. But I also know that for my own life, I had to move on.  I have to get to a place where I am able to work and save and pay those creditors, and everyone else. It wasn’t happening for me in Wilmington.

So now I am taking a couple of days to pray and think, and pray again. Surely there is a plan for me in this life, I just have to take the time and let God show it to me. I’m stubborn in the sense that I don’t always listen. Yes, there, I’ve said it. It’s a fault that I struggle with daily. I hear, but I don’t always listen.

I stopped by the restaurant to turn in my keys and the staff greeted me with such warmth and concern that I wanted to cry. Each one of them came up to me to express how much they enjoyed working with me. That meant so much to me. It confirmed to me that I was able to do some good while in Wilmington. I was able to make positive changes, and I left the staff with words of encourgement to continue smiling, and to keep that positivity going. Truly, I hope that they do just that.

The entire time I’ve been in North Carolina was not all bad, and as I write this, I’m still struggling with the idea of staying. So I’ll take these next two days to finally decide.

Where will Windy go next?

Stay tuned….this is a time of transition once again.